A Letter to My Protagonist

Dear Riley,

There’s a reason I’ve been making excuses instead of writing what happens next in your story. I lied. I don’t have writer’s block. I’ve known exactly where the story goes since I was 16.. it’s just.. it’s going to be so sad.

I keep telling myself that you’ll come out stronger in the end. But I also know you don’t deserve it…

You’ll struggle with that idea, you know. You’ll think it happened because of something you did, but it didn’t. It happened because it was always going to happen to you. Since we first met over ten years ago… I knew.  I’m so sorry.

You see, it has to happen. You need to lose faith in the world and in yourself. You need to break down because you’re going to build yourself back up. You have to be strong. You have to be independent, even more than you already are. There is no other way. You have to break because you’re going to become the kind of woman who loves herself. You’ll never forget the memories. I know you’ll be scared that you will, but you won’t. That’s the important part. Everything in your past accumulates to bring you to the point when you look in the mirror and you see who you really are, who you’ve always been, and who you were always meant to become.

One day, when this is all over, you’ll let strangers into your heart without letting them over take it. You’ll laugh freely again, and know that you are intrinsically enough. And you’ll fall in love. No, I don’t mean I’m bringing you a knight in shining armor to swoop you off your feet and save you from your tears. You get more than that. You get real love. The kind that Jane gave Anne and Elizabeth and Emma. He’ll make you feel beautiful and supported and loved. He’ll make you laugh, and you’ll do the same to him, even when you aren’t trying.

See, that’s what awaits you. You just have to get through the worst part… the climax. It’s going to be exhausting. You’ll have to cry so hard you’ll think your body will break from the intensity of the pain. You’ll have to almost drown, and you’ll scream at people to leave you the fuck alone. You’ll have to touch blood. And even worse, you’ll have to be completely and utterly alone.

But that is life. Bad things happen. People leave. They break your heart. And sometimes it isn’t your fault.  But you’ll get through this. And I’ll be there, helping you along. Giving you the people, the wisdom, and the moments that you need to get through. And one day, you’ll look out at a bittersweet sunset with the ocean breeze against your face, and you’ll know, deep down, that it’s finally ok.

Sincerely my love,

M. A. Ryan

7 thoughts on “A Letter to My Protagonist

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